Just yesterday, while I was walking to the station from my tutee's house, I felt so lost out of a sudden. For that few seconds, it feels like I have lost my soul and it felt like I was at somewhere that I didn't know. It took me that few seconds to figure everything out. Lately, it keeps striking me. What am I doing, why am I doing it and what am I expecting. Then I realised I wasn't expecting anything and I have no idea why am I doing all these things. 

Suddenly everything around me is scaring me. With everything that keeps running through my mind. I have always been good at suppressing my feelings and never letting myself cry over things so easily. But things has changed. Nowadays, I keep crying over every single thing and it seems almost impossible to control it anymore. And I really hope that I can stop all these. It's not very fun to be crying every other weeks over stupid things that we can't control. All these I always know but I always fail to do it. 

Perhaps it could be also due to me feeling too lonely. And again, I know I shouldn't be feeling this way. Suddenly it feels like everyone is so apart from me. Now that boyfriend and I are so far apart I know I shouldn't be always relying on him and always expecting him to be there 24/7. And yes, I know I need to have faith and stop letting all those negative thoughts from putting me down. I always keep telling myself it's okay but the stubborn inner self always took over me. I guess I just got to try a little harder.

Things will get better when the time is right.